Lets have an honest conversation...
This is for everyone who finds it difficult to look at themselves in photos. A small part of my 'learning to love myself in pictures' journey, along with some suggestions that may help others like me. This is the start of an ongoing conversation and an ever evolving process; so please be kind both with me, and yourselves. I wrote this in order to be open and transparent about my own struggles, it may just resonate with you too; here is to being brutally honest.
I am wondering if this is something you can relate to?
You really 'hate' having your photo taken. You tell people you are 'un-photogenic'. You feel like you turn into a giant potato each time that a camera is turned in your general direction.
Hi friend! I get you.
Learning to love myself is a huge journey I have been going on over the years, one I am striving to embed into not only my own thoughts, but also into my family and loved ones. I am now building my whole business around this mindset and oh so want to share my thoughts with you.
When I first thought of setting up, it took me a long time to think of what drives me. What am I passionate about? What is going to motivate me and and my ideas for my business? Months went by, I had many ideas of what I wanted to portray and stand for, but with little to no method to my madness. But honestly, I feel a lot of our 'why' stems from our own experiences and personal insecurities. There are multiple layers to this (whether we are an onion or a cake - equally delicious and layered in our own unique ways). The core theme kept coming up, striking the importance of how photography is capable of capturing intangible connections in a way that can empower people to feel something incredible about themselves. It can covey so much all within one frame and if only we allow ourselves to, we begin to see ourselves through the lens of others.
Sh*t's about to get real...
I have always struggled with the way I look. Quickly flicking over a snap of myself, preferring to document my life through cleverly angled selfies. Shrugging off compliments as; 'just being polite' or 'trying to make me feel better about myself' or (brace yourself) they were just flat out lying. Okay, it sounds awful. Trust me, to read it back in black and white makes me shudder, but its the truth and I promised to be honest with you.
I always felt insecure about my 'boyish frame' and how I can carry 'extra weight' in all the most unflattering areas. (Apologies, I now know how this sounds toxic in so many ways!). Seeing myself in pictures, I had this compounding feeling; I was never going to be beautiful. That was it. I was sucked into a deep dark spiral of my own faults. I was only ever this hard on myself. I perpetually compared and admonished myself for not looking as beautiful or sexy as all those other women - who made looking good so damn effortless.
Now, this isn't a pity party. Why am I telling you all this? Because I realised over the past few years how crowded this metaphorical room full of people who all feel the same way is. Hearing my friends, absolutely gorgeous through my eyes, poke, prod at and pick apart every their every insecurity whilst we getting ready to go out - I made a point of making it a topic of conversation. Honestly, I was shocked. People who I assumed were so sure of themselves, who from where I was stood were kick ass and confident. Every time we would meet and I would quietly think to myself how great they looked today as my own self loath monster would appear. No matter how vibrant they came across, I didn't realise that they were also feeling some of those very same thoughts. They were just like me. They may have a whole host of different and personally nuanced ways of dragging themselves down, but ultimately they have the same self doubts, warped perception of themselves and resistance of being comfortable in their own skin.
My wake up...
Over the years, I would always prefer to be behind the camera rather than in front of it unless it was a cleverly positioned selfie that I was in full control of. I didn't like my smile, or how small my eyes were. My face was too round hair wasn't right - too wild and frizzy. I didn't like my arms in that, I couldn't possibly wear this or that in fear of how it would cling to my body.
I would tear myself apart in photos as I sometimes did in front of the mirror.
Does that make you feel uncomfortable?
Do you do this too?
HOW WRONG I WAS!
Raising children brings this into such perspective for me. They started to notice. They would notice me covering up, the comments I would make 'please delete that, I don't like my (insert warped perception here) in that photo'. It wasn't until I saw them starting to feel the same way - but about themselves that I acknowledged my mistake! What was I doing?! I had never been more angry with myself. I could preach to them about self love, but I wasn't practicing this myself. So I began my journey.
At first it was a struggle, but my message to myself and those around me was too important to get lost in my own head. I began to stop comparing myself to others, instead I found fondness in my unique features and concentrated on the parts of me I did like. I became accountable and and took action, finding balance in what I needed to be happy and healthy in both mind and body. Some days that looks like water and veggies - others a huge pizza with a bucket of red wine! Balance has been my key. Happiness has been my goal.
Starting this new adventure and putting myself out there has been the scariest thing I have ever done. To get in front of the camera for some head shots was a big moment after avoiding a camera for so long. But here I am, showing up for myself, my values and my beliefs. Practicing what I preach!
It's easy to be our own worst critic, but to build yourself up is empowering, being brave enough to do it takes time, but loving yourself is the foundation for everything.
It was now more important than ever to get my 'why' across. I needed to start with myself, I needed to walk the walk...
So, here I am doing the hard work. Learning to look at myself the way I always hope my clients, friends and family are able to look at themselves. I'm discovering how to love myself as I am and in pictures, after a lifetime of doing the opposite.
Just because I am now the one holding the camera, do I now feel insanely confident being photographed every time and suddenly love every image with me in it? Haha, nope! But I know that it is all part of my story - how I was in that moment. Probably rocking the tired cosy jumper and messy bun look. It's who I am, and I am in love with that.
Time to make the change...
Learning to love yourself in pictures is always going to be a journey, a few things I have learnt along the way may help others when they are getting ready in the mornings, feeling like they need a pick me up or preparing their mindset ahead of a shoot.
These are just suggestions, the start of an ongoing conversation with yourself, but just to let you know; you are not alone.
There are no expectations...
There are no expectations from me, no need to be perfect, no desire for you to be anyone but yourself.
While we are on this, there is no need to set unrealistic expectations for yourself either. Are you suddenly going to morph into [Insert famous individual you have previously fawned over] the moment you step in front of the lens? Nope. And that's OK! Hopefully you got the toothpaste stain off your chin and brushed most of the dog hair off your favourite outfit, and that's just prefect.
Keep an open mind...
Experiment. Play! Remember that you are there to spend time with your partner, family or your own fabulous self. Enjoy the moment and focus on that rather than the future pictures. That is what I am here for!
Movement is key and light hearted banter is my thing! I've got you!
Take a moment...
If you find yourself getting into your own head - shake it out. Take a moment - its OK!
Sometimes that means taking a deep breath, or letting go of those nervous giggles. My personal favorite? I literally jam out to my favorite power anthem in my own head. OK, OK, it sometimes is out loud - there is no judgment here!
Get out of you comfort zone...
its really f*ing hard. But let's call it 'challenging' instead.
It can feel weird in this new zone; that's normal. The aim for when you are in front of my lens is to make you secure enough to feel all of that - and still have a really good time!
But please remember, if you are actually uncomfortable, then please speak up! Things can changed up, move around a bit, take a break. 100% your call.
Embrace distractions...
Bring anything that may help make you feel more comfortable.
Want to play with bubbles or props? Cool. Have a beer or pop some procecco if you must. Listen to your favorite playlist - let's pop it on a speaker (I love a jam!) Wear that totally twirl-worthy dress, put on a bad ass power suit, or even just your favorite cosy jumper that makes you feel confident and at home all in one. Anything to distract you from being the center of attention and give you something else to focus on.
You will not love every single image of yourself...
I mean, this is my every intention and ultimate goal. But what I see and how you feel are two very different things. I have had photographs taken in the past but some incredibly talented photographers that I didn't fall in love with instantly. Some I had to 'make friends with' and go back for another look at another time, some I will never feel that great about. But they are me. All of me, as I am. But rather than honing in on the nitty gritty things that I dislike about myself, I look at the parts where I can open my mind enough to see positives in myself or smile at the moment that was captured as part of my story. This mindset doesn't always come easy, but its one I am working on.
Become the observer...
It's strange seeing yourself in photos, when you are so used to seeing the same angle in a mirror. It's a physiological thing. Slowly, but surely I have found stepping into this role as a big part of my process.
As you look at a photo instead of looking at your flaws; look for the connection. See how you and your partner interact, how your children faces gaze up and smile at you, how you make them feel. Rather than looking at you as you, imagine looking at yourself from someone else's perspective. Someone that loves you. It doesn't matter what you look like. It's you. wonderful you. It always has been. The person that they love day in, day out. There is a million reasons they love you, and its all wrapped up in this imperfect, flawed, messy, strong human package that is you.
Like I said, learning how to love yourself in pictures is a journey; but finding the confidence to love who you are and be at peace with that forever more seems like the best path to me.
Do you love being in front of the camera? Do you struggle? Got a entirely different set of reasons? I would love to hear how you feel on this topic! Are you on this journey too and have some tips to share? Please find me on Facebook at Bertie Hammond Photography leave me a comment on Instagram @home_withthehammonds You can even pop me an email at bertiehammondphotography@gmail.com. Let me know your thoughts.
